I hate school. I really hate school, a lot. I’m bad at it. I get bored by it. I think it’s stupid. I’d rather be on the beach somewhere, with millions of dollars I miraculously acquire.
Yet, unfortunately, that’s not my life.
So, instead, I’m sitting in my tiny house in tiny Lubbock, doing everything I possibly can to avoid studying for my final tomorrow.
1. Suddenly go online and do some shopping.
All of your clothes suck. Everything you own sucks. You were on Pinterest and saw a girl wearing a vintage Rolling Stones shirt circa 1983 and you absolutely have to find it on Etsy. The exact same one. And not to mention, you haven’t bought your mom’s cousin’s wife’s brother’s dog something for Christmas yet, and that is absolutely horribly rude of you and you must go find him something perfect right this minute in the deep abyss that is the Target website. Forget all about the Advertising 3351 final you have in the morning – nothing is as important right now as making every member of your family a perfect case for their phone with 100 pictures on casetify. Nothing.
2. Suddenly light yourself on fire.
This is perhaps a little dramatic, but totally a good reason to not have to study for finals. Or even take them, for that matter. We’ll move on.
3. Suddenly decide you love to go out with your friends.
YES, friends-whose-texts-I-normally-ignore, I would absolutely, positively, without a doubt,
do anything to avoid studying LOVE, I REPEAT L-O-V-E, to go to whatever filthy, plastic cup bar you’re attending tonight! I really would! Let me throw on my worst pair of shoes and sort of cute outfit, grab my biggest bottle of vodka, and meet y’all at whoever’s house we’re going to tonight! You ask, am I really getting out of bed? Yes! I would love one more place to feel guilty about not studying besides my bed and kitchen table. I’m branching out! I’m getting dirty! I’m not going to talk to anyone and still probably play in my phone after I’m reminded I don’t like drinking like y’all do!
*disclaimer: friends, I ignore all of your texts equally. This is in no way directed to anyone.*
4. Suddenly decide you’re the biggest Game of Thrones fan ever.
WINTER IS COMING, ROBB STARK, AND STRAIGHT INTO MY HEART LIKE THE SWORD YOU WIELD SINCE EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER I LOVE ON THIS SHOW KEEPS GETTING KILLED. If you don’t watch this, I’d highly suggest it – I’m late on the bandwagon, I know, but this show is incredible. But if it isn’t Game of Thrones, finals is the *perfect* time to become deeply and emotionally invested in a new TV show…Netflix, Hulu, HBO Go, Amazon Prime, even the iTunes store – can’t you just hear them all calling your name? You can’t wait until the break starts. You need to start a new show now.
5. Suddenly find yourself asleep.
Sure, the finals schedule has given you a chance to catch up on some much-needed sleep. But it will never be enough. You could pull an all-nighter…Or you could just sleep for the next 36 hours and pretend like it’s not totally worth it. Up to you.
Well I hope I’ve helped you avoid studying, although these should all come easily and with no shock. And when finals and this semester are over…
Know what I’m saying?